Although I know the whole “Bad Christmas Sweater” thing is coming to the end of its H.A.P. (Hipster Approval Period – There are newspaper articles about the phenomenon so it’s just not underground enough anymore) I still very much enjoy it, and hopefully will for years to come.
As for Romantic Gestures it had near or approximate rhyme with sweaters, and it’s a subject I want to tackle so I figured “Why not?”
Read on to hear all about my complaints over the lack of Hanukkah and Kwanzaa sweaters as well as Ron Burgundy themed romantic gestures…
OH MY GOD! Me and my friend Tal were just looking at various sweaters and I realized that there is a secret google easter egg! Basically if you type in either “christmas sweaters” or “hanukkah sweaters” or “Kwanzaa Sweaters” into google (Make sure you have those exact words spelled correctly undercased and that the word sweater has an s on the end) then you will get these results!
You have to click on these images and click again on the next page to see them.
So many of you may be wondering “Where can I get a Christmas sweater that is as cool as the penguin one Willie is wearing?” While the first, and most obvious, answer is the thrift store, I have found that ebay is dedicated to bad Christmas sweaters this time of year. I personally believe that the search at the thrift store is half the fun, and also ends up costing you about 3 bucks a sweater. But, for those of you who don’t have the time here you go.
I think another problem people run into when they do eventually find their perfect Christmas sweaters is: “What is the best way to pose for a picture?” While I am a fan of both the Holiday Lion pose seen above, and the awkward uncle pose they are by no means “Contest Winning” poses. However such a pose does indeed exist:
Still I stay up nights worrying about all the people who are alienated by the term “Bad CHRISTMAS Sweater” I personally would love to have a sweater adorned with a Menorah or a Kinara (The candle holders for Hanukkah and Kwanzaa respectively) you just can’t seem to find them at many thrift stores. Searching online I can really only find people willing to make custom holiday sweaters that cost upwards of $150! While I love equality as much as the next guy, that’s just messed up. For now I think people will just have to search for a rare Hanukkah sweater, and substitute Cosby Sweaters for Kwanzaa. We all make sacrifices.
Now, I don’t want to just throw you guys into the topic of Romantic Gestures, so please watch this Ron Burgundy Music Video to get into the mood:
What does that have to do with romantic gestures you say? Well let me tell you a little story about how me and some friends reproduced the scene from Anchorman where they sing Afternoon Delight in the office. I got three other friends together and we all wore blazers and practiced both the singing and lines around that scene, editing to make it more personal. Then I invited my girlfriend at the time over and we performed then just like at the end of the scene where they all disperse my friends literally left without saying a word to leave the two of us alone. While that may not sound like much of a Romantic Gesture, that was the first movie we had ever watched together. Also afterward I took her to have a picnic out by a lake, so it wasn’t completely silly.
Romantic gestures are something that should seem kind of weird to people not involved in them. They’re supposed to be acts that show you really know this other person and that you’re willing to do something that may very well make you look awkward to others just so you can make them happy. Early on I figured out the best, and only, reason to do a romantic gesture is to try and make the other person feel, if only for a second, how they always make you feel.
Regardless, I’m not here to try and convince anyone to go stand with a boombox outside of a window, quite the contrary in fact. For some time I have thought that maybe if you can do just the right thing, or talk directly from your heart, that you could win just about anyone over. And well, it’s just not true. I still fully support the use of Romantic Gestures for those who you love, and who you know will appreciate them, but they aren’t going to win anyone over on their own.
The truth is that love won is not worth much. If someone isn’t willing to love you for who you are, doing something amazing for them won’t get you much further. Yet even if it does, do they really want you, or do they want the show you’re putting on? When someone gives their love to you it’s usually unconditional, and they probably couldn’t stop loving you if they tried. When you win someones love you’ll probably have to do it again and again or lose them.
The whole point of this isn’t to say don’t try and win someone over, but don’t think that someone who doesn’t want you at all will, suddenly, after some grand gesture or loving prose.