I feel like I’m finally dealing with life. Like I’m finally done running from it all. It may have taken going to another country, secluding myself at a summer camp with little to no cellphone and internet access, and a semester with more emotional breakdowns then I care to elaborate upon, but I’m finally facing everything.
It’s the little stuff that has really helped. I cleaned my room, I know it sounds stupid, but it does wonders. I have things organized, I don’t throw shit everywhere, and I just take some pride in where I am. I started working out again, I feel like it’s already starting to boost my self-confidence. I’m saying no to fun stuff sometimes, I can’t do everything I want because college comes first. I’m taking care of myself physically and emotionally. I stopped drinking soda, I’ve been drinking loads of water, and I’m just listening to my body more. Emotionally I feel like I’m finally ready to assure myself that I’m a good person. It can be hard to take up for yourself when you’re faced with all the mistakes you’ve made, but I’m done letting it fester. Beyond that, I feel like I’m finally ready to face the bad along with the good. For the longest time if someone called my cell phone and I couldn’t talk, or had to cancel plans I would ignore it so I didn’t have to face it. I haven’t been doing that lately. I used to put off anything that seemed bad in hopes that it might go away (stupid stuff like mean e-mails, or parking tickets) and I really am just facing them head on lately.
I’m proud of who I’m becoming, and I feel like I really have control of who that is when I take the control.