Change, love, growing up, and other cliches of the twenty-somethings.

For the first time in years there is no one I actively strongly like. It’s odd becauseĀ  I think sometimes people define me with chasing after love, I know sometimes I even do myself. I’m the type of person who hears music and thinks of that person, or who watches a movie or show and places the people in my life as characters. Lately, I don’t. It’s definitely not a bad thing, in fact I’m actually kind of excited about it, but it’s still weird. I feel like I can just focus on the things that really make me happy, and that by being a better, happier person I’ll attract just the right girl for me.

Charlie and I were talking about it the other day, and we both feel like that, although freshman and sophomore year of college we went a little wild and crazy, that we are actually still the same people we were when we came here. Obviously we have grown, and our new experiences have shaped us to the degree we’ve let them, but fundamentally we are the same. I drink now, and am more open to lots of things, but still hold my sense of adventure. I am more sexually comfortable and open, but still not looking to fuck girls left and right for one night. I’m still searching for love, but have a better idea of what is and what isn’t love.

I guess, part of me is scared that if I’m not actively chasing love than it might get away from me. That I might never find it (Or rather, that it will never find me). That I might stop caring about it because I don’t remember what it’s like. But, when I accept that no matter what I do, no matter how hard I try to find, or run away from, or create, or destroy love that I have no power over it: I feel O.K.

Plus, now I have a reminder:

My new tattoo Edward VIII

My new tattoo "Edward VIII"

I got this tattoo on Valentine’s day. I have been thinking about it for over a year, ever since my mom gave me a book of inspiring speeches and one of Edward VIII’s was in there. The story behind it is that he was the only British monarch to ever voluntarily abstain from the throne. He did this so that he could marry the woman he loved. She was a divorcee from Baltimore (Another reason I liked it, Baltimore pride) and since the country was very connected to the Church of England, which did not officially recognize this woman as available, as well as the fact that his prime minister threatened to leave if he married her he chose her over the throne. It’s a story that helps me remember what I fight for. It’s a story that will help me to never settle.

Any hopeful (or hopeless) romantic will tell you how hard it can feel to pursue something as crazy as love, how sometimes you feel like maybe you’re just an idiot chasing after nothing. It’s nice to know that someone before me succeeded, and that even when everyone considered him a fool for giving up a kingdom, he understood that power, money, and acclaim amounted to nothing without that person there to share it with you. They stayed married until his death, and the whole time he was still ridiculed for his decision. It’s recorded his mother said “You gave up that, for this?” years after he abstained and was long since married.


Published in: on February 16, 2009 at 1:53 am  Comments (5)  
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Nights like this…

I drive on the highway and get my car up to a hundred miles per hour. I pretend like I have nothing to lose, I pretend like I’m just going to forget everything and drive to California. Start over there, just because. But, I’m no idiot and I know it doesn’t really work like that. So instead I think I would be more than happy if I just had a girl who I could call right this very second and drive to Ocean City with. Skinny dip in the ocean tonight (It’s the warmest it’s been in a while), check into a dive motel, and wake up tomorrow to some Ocean food and a day to lounge around together. I know it’s not realistic, and finding a girl like that can’t be so easy, but I would be happy.

Yet, I realize that for the first time in a long time, I’m OK being alone. I have a great life, and I’m looking for a great person to share that with. If that means some time alone looking for her, I’m OK with that too.

Or at least I’ll be ok with that in the morning. Sometimes, nights like this go on just a little too long.

Published in: on December 29, 2008 at 2:08 am  Comments (4)  
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Romantic Gestures and Christmas Sweaters

This year I will be making the Holidays extreme.

This year I will be making the Holidays extreme.

Although I know the whole “Bad Christmas Sweater” thing is coming to the end of its H.A.P. (Hipster Approval Period – There are newspaper articles about the phenomenon so it’s just not underground enough anymore) I still very much enjoy it, and hopefully will for years to come.

As for Romantic Gestures it had near or approximate rhyme with sweaters, and it’s a subject I want to tackle so I figured “Why not?”

Read on to hear all about my complaints over the lack of Hanukkah and Kwanzaa sweaters as well as Ron Burgundy themed romantic gestures…


OH MY GOD! Me and my friend Tal were just looking at various sweaters and I realized that there is a secret google easter egg! Basically if you type in either “christmas sweaters” or “hanukkah sweaters” or “Kwanzaa Sweaters” into google (Make sure you have those exact words spelled correctly undercased and that the word sweater has an s on the end) then you will get these results!

You have to click on these images and click again on the next page to see them.



I’m just curious, does anyone out there know what they’re doing?

No, I don’t mean tomorrow, or the next day, or in the next couple years. I mean, why? Why are you still in college? Why are you chasing that hopeless love? Why are you happy?

Sometimes I feel like I’m doing exactly what life and the people around me expect. And then when I don’t do that I still feel like I’m doing what is expected by doing what is unexpected. That doesn’t make any sense…

I guess I just wonder if everyone, at the end of the day, is chasing after the same thing. I mean in whatever way we’re doing it, we just want to be happy. I think the whole point of it all is doing everything you can until you find out exactly what happiness is.

For me, it’s love. Well at least I think it is. I feel like everything is predictable, and measurable, and explored, and analyzed, and solved, and whatever else. But love is different. It’s like that one thing that no one can really explain. It goes against our instincts, it goes against our culture (homosexuals, just one example), and it just doesn’t make sense. People aren’t trustworthy, they will hurt you. It never ever works out like you think it will, or maybe it always works out how you think it will. It makes life hard, it’s distracting, and it’s so scary.

Yet, myself and so many others are after that one person who will just make them feel understood. To make them feel not so alone. And suddenly it makes sense. We are all so alone, people come and go, and life changes, and we accept it all. But what if you could find someone who didn’t leave? What if you could find someone to experience life with you? What if you found someone who just got it?

I’m not saying only romantic love, because for some people that’s not what they need or want. Sometimes it’s a parent or parental figure that people are looking for. Sometimes it’s that best friend who, no matter time or distance, you never skip a beat with.

The term Hopeless Romantic has always angered me. It’s saying that passion for love is foolish in this kind of world, and that you’re just another hopeless case. Then I realized anyone who is considered a hopeless romantic is only hopeless to those looking in. From where they stand hope is the only driving force, because what else can you have in the face of so much resistance? Love has no tangible proof, it has no sure way to success, it has no handbooks. The only thing that can guide you to it is an unrelenting belief that it exists, and the hope that with all the risks of love the reward can only be one of the greatest things out there.

And in that I think Hopeless Romantics can find hope. It’s not hopeless, and the second you admit it is you’ll lose it.

Best of luck from a hopeful romantic,


P.S.-Sorry that was so scatterbrained and mushy, I promise I’ll provide entertainment in the next post.

Published in: on November 13, 2008 at 1:01 am  Comments (6)  
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