Half jokes

Last night I found out the last of my original roommates may not be going here anymore next year.

I thought about it all night, along with other things. I slept forever and had really vivid and odd dreams that I can’t remember even a little bit. Then I woke up and talked to Charlie about why he was doing it. He essentially said there wasn’t much to hold on to here anymore.

I started thinking about what I had to hold on to here. I couldn’t think of anyone here that couldn’t do without me as much as I couldn’t do without them. I’m not saying I don’t have great friends here, it’s just everyone is really doing their own thing. A lot of my friends have gotten in to serious relationships lately, which is wonderful. I’m really happy for them, but it does tend to absorb a lot of your time and energy. A lot of other friends have graduated, or left (Bernie), or are leaving (Charlie). Other friends are great, but I just don’t see them enough (Anthea, Britt, Robot, etc.)

I thought about what originally brought me here. I came up with:
1. I didn’t know what major I wanted to pursue so I didn’t know what to look for
2. It was close to home
3. I was in love with a beautiful girl
4. My friends from home were all here.

How things are now:
1. I have picked majors I love after much dilemma and change
2. I don’t have a home anymore. I have a house in Philadelphia, and a wonderful loving family there, but no where that makes me feel like I have to stay near
3. That girl doesn’t talk to me much anymore
4. Jill and Catie left, and no matter where I go we will always stay close to each other

So I started looking. The first place that drew me in was Berkeley. It has the number two sociology program in the country, and the number three history program. Oh, and Sandy Cohen went there. Not to mention, it’s in California. However, it is beyond costly ($43,000 for on campus non California students) and requires a GPA between 3.75 and 3.9. It is way beyond my means. However, the number one sociology program in the country is at University of Wisconsin Madison. There the grade entry is more flexible, and they largely focus on extracurricular activities to make you stand out (which I have many of). Also it is only $33,000 a year for non residents on campus. As I looked more in to the school I liked it better and better. The three main things that are said to occur there are Academics, Political Activism, and Drinking. Essentially, my three favorite things in order, haha.

Still, it was essentially a pipe dream as far as I was concerned. Just something that seemed nice but unreasonable. Then I called my mom. I just wanted to talk to her about it, expecting her to try and convince me otherwise. She told me to go for it. She told me now was the only time that there was nothing to hold me down, and she didn’t want me to regret anything. She was just really great about it all.

Their priority deadline is February 1st. But tomorrow I’m going to call the office of admissions and talk to them about how realistic it would be for me to still be accepted if I send in all the necessary things by the end of the week. It’s only $40 to apply, and I’m going for it. If it won’t work at all this year, I think I’m going to visit over spring break to see how I like it, and apply for spring after doing one last semester at UMBC.

It’s funny how something can start as a half joke, and just grow.

-Willie

Published in: on February 17, 2009 at 9:49 pm  Comments (5)  
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Dear Everyone,

STOP! This is real life, and it’s really happening. I promise.

You can’t pretend like there is something else that is guaranteed to happen. There might not be a tomorrow, there might not be “someday” and there most certainly might not be something after this life. That being said, live today. What i’m saying is: don’t keep on convincing yourself “someday” you’ll learn that instrument. “Someday” you two will be together. Tomorrow you’ll start that book you’ve always wanted to write. Do it. There isn’t enough certainty in life not to. When you’re sitting there thinking “this is ok for now” or “I’m really just not ready for -blank-” you have to realize that you are not working towards another goal, you are accepting the fact that you may never get what you want and will only have yourself to blame.

I’m as guilty as anyone else. I am a huge procrastinator and miss out on a lot. Yet at the same time I can say when it really matters I won’t have to wonder. When I really know that I want or need something in my life I will go for it with every fiber of my being. If I died today I could tell you I have lived a life chasing after exactly what I truly want. I have lived my life with passion. My biggest goals in life are to find lasting love, and to really make a difference. I’m currently in college studying to be a teacher and sociologist so I truly believe i’m on my way to making a difference. As for love, I can’t say I regret much. I had a long fulfilling relationship with a beautiful girl that, although was hard and ended on poor terms, taught me a lot about who I am. About my problems and weaknesses, and about my strengths. But most importantly, made me happy. After that I messed up on another chance for love, but can say conclusively I don’t regret it. I wasn’t ready, and did some stupid things, but once I knew how I felt, and knew I could return all the feelings I was receiving, I went for it. It was hopeless, and I still tried. For six months. It was one of the most painful and hard times in my life. Yet, I’ll never have to wonder what if. I’ll never have to say “what if I didn’t give it my all?” or “what if i had tried -blank-?” And that feeling is one I wouldn’t trade for anything.

Regardless, what I want people to take from this is don’t settle. Or if you do decide to settle don’t fool yourself into thinking you have enough time to unsettle. Maybe it’s morbid to think that every day could be your last, or maybe it’s foolish to advise you to go out on a limb and truly reach for what you want. But maybe it’s the only sensible way to live. Settling won’t bring you the immense sorrow failure will, so you’ll protect yourself. Personally though, for all the failures my passion has brought me, I’ve experienced so much. Someday when i’m a father, or a teacher, or a sociologist, or all three, or none I’ll be able to look myself in the mirror and smile.

Do yourself a favor and start working towards one thing you’ve always been too afraid to do. If that means putting $20 bucks from the next paycheck in the bank to save up for your own place, so be it. If that means finally asking that girl out, or letting “the boy who got away” know you’re not ready to give up, do it.

Nowadays most people die of a sort of creeping common sense, and discover when it is too late that the only things one never regrets are one’s mistakes” -Oscar Wilde

Me and a friend got tattoos together a while back. Well always live as if were dying. Just a reminder to always go after what you want.

A friend and I got tattoos together a while back. "We'll always live as if we're dying." Just a reminder to always go after what you want.

Published in: on December 30, 2008 at 4:41 am  Comments (5)  
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