Half jokes

Last night I found out the last of my original roommates may not be going here anymore next year.

I thought about it all night, along with other things. I slept forever and had really vivid and odd dreams that I can’t remember even a little bit. Then I woke up and talked to Charlie about why he was doing it. He essentially said there wasn’t much to hold on to here anymore.

I started thinking about what I had to hold on to here. I couldn’t think of anyone here that couldn’t do without me as much as I couldn’t do without them. I’m not saying I don’t have great friends here, it’s just everyone is really doing their own thing. A lot of my friends have gotten in to serious relationships lately, which is wonderful. I’m really happy for them, but it does tend to absorb a lot of your time and energy. A lot of other friends have graduated, or left (Bernie), or are leaving (Charlie). Other friends are great, but I just don’t see them enough (Anthea, Britt, Robot, etc.)

I thought about what originally brought me here. I came up with:
1. I didn’t know what major I wanted to pursue so I didn’t know what to look for
2. It was close to home
3. I was in love with a beautiful girl
4. My friends from home were all here.

How things are now:
1. I have picked majors I love after much dilemma and change
2. I don’t have a home anymore. I have a house in Philadelphia, and a wonderful loving family there, but no where that makes me feel like I have to stay near
3. That girl doesn’t talk to me much anymore
4. Jill and Catie left, and no matter where I go we will always stay close to each other

So I started looking. The first place that drew me in was Berkeley. It has the number two sociology program in the country, and the number three history program. Oh, and Sandy Cohen went there. Not to mention, it’s in California. However, it is beyond costly ($43,000 for on campus non California students) and requires a GPA between 3.75 and 3.9. It is way beyond my means. However, the number one sociology program in the country is at University of Wisconsin Madison. There the grade entry is more flexible, and they largely focus on extracurricular activities to make you stand out (which I have many of). Also it is only $33,000 a year for non residents on campus. As I looked more in to the school I liked it better and better. The three main things that are said to occur there are Academics, Political Activism, and Drinking. Essentially, my three favorite things in order, haha.

Still, it was essentially a pipe dream as far as I was concerned. Just something that seemed nice but unreasonable. Then I called my mom. I just wanted to talk to her about it, expecting her to try and convince me otherwise. She told me to go for it. She told me now was the only time that there was nothing to hold me down, and she didn’t want me to regret anything. She was just really great about it all.

Their priority deadline is February 1st. But tomorrow I’m going to call the office of admissions and talk to them about how realistic it would be for me to still be accepted if I send in all the necessary things by the end of the week. It’s only $40 to apply, and I’m going for it. If it won’t work at all this year, I think I’m going to visit over spring break to see how I like it, and apply for spring after doing one last semester at UMBC.

It’s funny how something can start as a half joke, and just grow.

-Willie

“Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes.”

I’m really happy with:

-Myself (I feel like I am a generally good person, am O.K. with my body image, and feel as if I have really been trying to do my best in classes.)

-My plans (I start teaching at a school in need next week, and I’ll most likely volunteer extra hours because I want to. I’m going to California in a few months where i’ll begin to help plan a national conference for next year.)

-My friends (By this I must specify my friends, not those people who only act cordial in person.)

-My family (We have plenty of problems, but truly there is lots of love.)

Things I’m just done with:

-People who clearly only want me around when it’s convenient.

-Trying to look for love! It’s so hard to stop, and lately I feel like I’m the only single one out of anyone I know, but I want something to occur naturally. If you force a relationship it is destined to fail, if you have a great friendship with someone which blossoms into romance, it will be great.

-Being down on myself. I have made lots of mistakes, most especially in the recent past, but I truly beat myself up over them way too much. I need to just realize that good people can make mistakes too, and what makes them good people is that they learn from their mistakes.

-The past. My future is too bright to be boggled down by it.