Change, love, growing up, and other cliches of the twenty-somethings.

For the first time in years there is no one I actively strongly like. It’s odd because  I think sometimes people define me with chasing after love, I know sometimes I even do myself. I’m the type of person who hears music and thinks of that person, or who watches a movie or show and places the people in my life as characters. Lately, I don’t. It’s definitely not a bad thing, in fact I’m actually kind of excited about it, but it’s still weird. I feel like I can just focus on the things that really make me happy, and that by being a better, happier person I’ll attract just the right girl for me.

Charlie and I were talking about it the other day, and we both feel like that, although freshman and sophomore year of college we went a little wild and crazy, that we are actually still the same people we were when we came here. Obviously we have grown, and our new experiences have shaped us to the degree we’ve let them, but fundamentally we are the same. I drink now, and am more open to lots of things, but still hold my sense of adventure. I am more sexually comfortable and open, but still not looking to fuck girls left and right for one night. I’m still searching for love, but have a better idea of what is and what isn’t love.

I guess, part of me is scared that if I’m not actively chasing love than it might get away from me. That I might never find it (Or rather, that it will never find me). That I might stop caring about it because I don’t remember what it’s like. But, when I accept that no matter what I do, no matter how hard I try to find, or run away from, or create, or destroy love that I have no power over it: I feel O.K.

Plus, now I have a reminder:

My new tattoo Edward VIII

My new tattoo "Edward VIII"

I got this tattoo on Valentine’s day. I have been thinking about it for over a year, ever since my mom gave me a book of inspiring speeches and one of Edward VIII’s was in there. The story behind it is that he was the only British monarch to ever voluntarily abstain from the throne. He did this so that he could marry the woman he loved. She was a divorcee from Baltimore (Another reason I liked it, Baltimore pride) and since the country was very connected to the Church of England, which did not officially recognize this woman as available, as well as the fact that his prime minister threatened to leave if he married her he chose her over the throne. It’s a story that helps me remember what I fight for. It’s a story that will help me to never settle.

Any hopeful (or hopeless) romantic will tell you how hard it can feel to pursue something as crazy as love, how sometimes you feel like maybe you’re just an idiot chasing after nothing. It’s nice to know that someone before me succeeded, and that even when everyone considered him a fool for giving up a kingdom, he understood that power, money, and acclaim amounted to nothing without that person there to share it with you. They stayed married until his death, and the whole time he was still ridiculed for his decision. It’s recorded his mother said “You gave up that, for this?” years after he abstained and was long since married.


Published in: on February 16, 2009 at 1:53 am  Comments (5)  
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Growing Up

It’s weird the things that make me feel like I’m actually maturing. Instead of being jealous of old loves, I’m just really happy that they’re happy.

I guess I’ve always been of the idea that when you fall in love, it never really goes away. While I don’t think it turned out the way I thought, it is true to a degree. It’s the epitome of the saying “If you love something, set it free.” Your feelings of love evolve and change for those people, into something that makes everyone a little happier.

Regardless, new classes start tomorrow, and I’m really excited about it. I want to shine, I want to focus on my dreams of being a teacher. I’m also excited about making new friends, and about interning at a high school. The only thing that sucks is the fact that I’m going to have to get a credit card to pay for all my books. Yet, the bright side is starting a good line of credit relatively early in life. I’m pretty conscious when it comes to spending money, so I think I’ll be O.K.

I promise I’ll make a real post soon. In the meantime, enjoy this:

Published in: on January 26, 2009 at 2:55 am  Leave a Comment  
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Dear Everyone,

STOP! This is real life, and it’s really happening. I promise.

You can’t pretend like there is something else that is guaranteed to happen. There might not be a tomorrow, there might not be “someday” and there most certainly might not be something after this life. That being said, live today. What i’m saying is: don’t keep on convincing yourself “someday” you’ll learn that instrument. “Someday” you two will be together. Tomorrow you’ll start that book you’ve always wanted to write. Do it. There isn’t enough certainty in life not to. When you’re sitting there thinking “this is ok for now” or “I’m really just not ready for -blank-” you have to realize that you are not working towards another goal, you are accepting the fact that you may never get what you want and will only have yourself to blame.

I’m as guilty as anyone else. I am a huge procrastinator and miss out on a lot. Yet at the same time I can say when it really matters I won’t have to wonder. When I really know that I want or need something in my life I will go for it with every fiber of my being. If I died today I could tell you I have lived a life chasing after exactly what I truly want. I have lived my life with passion. My biggest goals in life are to find lasting love, and to really make a difference. I’m currently in college studying to be a teacher and sociologist so I truly believe i’m on my way to making a difference. As for love, I can’t say I regret much. I had a long fulfilling relationship with a beautiful girl that, although was hard and ended on poor terms, taught me a lot about who I am. About my problems and weaknesses, and about my strengths. But most importantly, made me happy. After that I messed up on another chance for love, but can say conclusively I don’t regret it. I wasn’t ready, and did some stupid things, but once I knew how I felt, and knew I could return all the feelings I was receiving, I went for it. It was hopeless, and I still tried. For six months. It was one of the most painful and hard times in my life. Yet, I’ll never have to wonder what if. I’ll never have to say “what if I didn’t give it my all?” or “what if i had tried -blank-?” And that feeling is one I wouldn’t trade for anything.

Regardless, what I want people to take from this is don’t settle. Or if you do decide to settle don’t fool yourself into thinking you have enough time to unsettle. Maybe it’s morbid to think that every day could be your last, or maybe it’s foolish to advise you to go out on a limb and truly reach for what you want. But maybe it’s the only sensible way to live. Settling won’t bring you the immense sorrow failure will, so you’ll protect yourself. Personally though, for all the failures my passion has brought me, I’ve experienced so much. Someday when i’m a father, or a teacher, or a sociologist, or all three, or none I’ll be able to look myself in the mirror and smile.

Do yourself a favor and start working towards one thing you’ve always been too afraid to do. If that means putting $20 bucks from the next paycheck in the bank to save up for your own place, so be it. If that means finally asking that girl out, or letting “the boy who got away” know you’re not ready to give up, do it.

Nowadays most people die of a sort of creeping common sense, and discover when it is too late that the only things one never regrets are one’s mistakes” -Oscar Wilde

Me and a friend got tattoos together a while back. Well always live as if were dying. Just a reminder to always go after what you want.

A friend and I got tattoos together a while back. "We'll always live as if we're dying." Just a reminder to always go after what you want.

Published in: on December 30, 2008 at 4:41 am  Comments (5)  
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Romantic Gestures and Christmas Sweaters

This year I will be making the Holidays extreme.

This year I will be making the Holidays extreme.

Although I know the whole “Bad Christmas Sweater” thing is coming to the end of its H.A.P. (Hipster Approval Period – There are newspaper articles about the phenomenon so it’s just not underground enough anymore) I still very much enjoy it, and hopefully will for years to come.

As for Romantic Gestures it had near or approximate rhyme with sweaters, and it’s a subject I want to tackle so I figured “Why not?”

Read on to hear all about my complaints over the lack of Hanukkah and Kwanzaa sweaters as well as Ron Burgundy themed romantic gestures…


OH MY GOD! Me and my friend Tal were just looking at various sweaters and I realized that there is a secret google easter egg! Basically if you type in either “christmas sweaters” or “hanukkah sweaters” or “Kwanzaa Sweaters” into google (Make sure you have those exact words spelled correctly undercased and that the word sweater has an s on the end) then you will get these results!

You have to click on these images and click again on the next page to see them.



I’m just curious, does anyone out there know what they’re doing?

No, I don’t mean tomorrow, or the next day, or in the next couple years. I mean, why? Why are you still in college? Why are you chasing that hopeless love? Why are you happy?

Sometimes I feel like I’m doing exactly what life and the people around me expect. And then when I don’t do that I still feel like I’m doing what is expected by doing what is unexpected. That doesn’t make any sense…

I guess I just wonder if everyone, at the end of the day, is chasing after the same thing. I mean in whatever way we’re doing it, we just want to be happy. I think the whole point of it all is doing everything you can until you find out exactly what happiness is.

For me, it’s love. Well at least I think it is. I feel like everything is predictable, and measurable, and explored, and analyzed, and solved, and whatever else. But love is different. It’s like that one thing that no one can really explain. It goes against our instincts, it goes against our culture (homosexuals, just one example), and it just doesn’t make sense. People aren’t trustworthy, they will hurt you. It never ever works out like you think it will, or maybe it always works out how you think it will. It makes life hard, it’s distracting, and it’s so scary.

Yet, myself and so many others are after that one person who will just make them feel understood. To make them feel not so alone. And suddenly it makes sense. We are all so alone, people come and go, and life changes, and we accept it all. But what if you could find someone who didn’t leave? What if you could find someone to experience life with you? What if you found someone who just got it?

I’m not saying only romantic love, because for some people that’s not what they need or want. Sometimes it’s a parent or parental figure that people are looking for. Sometimes it’s that best friend who, no matter time or distance, you never skip a beat with.

The term Hopeless Romantic has always angered me. It’s saying that passion for love is foolish in this kind of world, and that you’re just another hopeless case. Then I realized anyone who is considered a hopeless romantic is only hopeless to those looking in. From where they stand hope is the only driving force, because what else can you have in the face of so much resistance? Love has no tangible proof, it has no sure way to success, it has no handbooks. The only thing that can guide you to it is an unrelenting belief that it exists, and the hope that with all the risks of love the reward can only be one of the greatest things out there.

And in that I think Hopeless Romantics can find hope. It’s not hopeless, and the second you admit it is you’ll lose it.

Best of luck from a hopeful romantic,


P.S.-Sorry that was so scatterbrained and mushy, I promise I’ll provide entertainment in the next post.

Published in: on November 13, 2008 at 1:01 am  Comments (6)  
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Dating and Pogs, things that are frustrating if not done right.

So recently I’ve been reevaluating my stance on some things. Mainly dating and Pogs; allow me to elaborate.

Clearly these kids know about pogs and dating.


Published in: on October 24, 2008 at 4:26 pm  Comments (4)  
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